Sadness

I wont mention any names out of respect for the family and my friend, but I do feel like I need to write about it. This is probably out of selfish reasons...trying to make sense of a senseless death...trying to pull a situation full circle after the circle had been interrupted prematurely. Closure in my own way I suppose.

I loved her...she was my friend. We connected on a few life details...even if they seemed shallow, we connected. She loved Jesus, make up, fun. Me too. She reached out to me. Sent me a note - told me I was an amazing person that made her feel good. That made me feel good. Then life changes. Life changes you. Life changes things. Choices are made. Lifestyles separate. I hadnt seen her in so so long. But she was still that girl who was my friend. The pretty fun girl with the gorgeous eyes and the gorgeous kids.

I should have reached out. Should have done more. Should have told her she was amazing and special. Should have kept the connection. Should have called her. Maybe the outcome would be different? That sounds arrogant. That my reaching out could have changed things. Who am I? But I cant help but wonder....and probably always will.

I'll miss the light she brought. Her laughter, her voice, her funny way of having a conversation while minding 3 effervescent boys. I'll miss my friend.